i don't like sucking hair
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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