After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
