My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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