Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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