she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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