youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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