in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
