the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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