last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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