just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
