shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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