I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
