My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
