Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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