Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she peed on how many people?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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