She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
