he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
