john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
