Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
