so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just cropdusted the office
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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