she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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