oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
