he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
