I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
