How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
