I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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