How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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