Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
