so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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