A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
