I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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