bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize