capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
