we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
