No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
