just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
