you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize