connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Floor bacon is actually really good
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
