Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
