Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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