I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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