i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
