Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
