It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
