I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
