the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This baby is an asshole
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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