This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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