I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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