If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We need a shit load of segways right now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
