I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
