Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
