i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just want nice things and good sex
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
