my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
