am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
