Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
