My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize