White coat. Heels.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
