Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
