i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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