Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Acid is not a monday night drug
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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