Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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